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Here are some more of Fred's jokes!
My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. That's when I noticed my son Ben staring at my husband's head. He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. Does it hurt?"
After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply, "Not physically."
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Things that make you go Hmmm....
Why is it called "after dark" when it is really is "after light"?
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A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J. C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.
The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."
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** SIGNS YOU'VE BOUGHT A BAD CAR
~ Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
~ The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
~ The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
~ The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk."
~ The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
~ Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.
~ The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
~ You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coal.
~ You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
~ When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
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My brother, on vacation in Malta, was appalled by the island's chaotic traffic, and asked the hotelkeeper why it was so disorderly.
"In some countries they drive on the right, in others on the left,"
explained the hotelier.
"Here we drive in the shade."
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Stay tuned for more of Fred's Funnies!