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Here are some more of Fred's jokes!
A young Jewish mother is preparing a Brisket one Friday for Shabbat
dinner. Her daughter watches with interest as the mother slices off
the ends of the Brisket before placing it in the roasting pan. The
young girl asks her mother why she did this.
The mother pauses for a moment and then says, "You know, I'm not
sure. This is the way I always saw my mother make a brisket. Let's
call Grandma and ask her."
So, she phones her mother and asks why they always slice the
ends off the brisket before roasting.
The Grandmother thinks for a moment and then says, "You know, I'm not
sure why, this is the way I always saw my mother make a brisket."
Now the two women are very curious, so they pay a visit to the
great-grandmother in the nursing home. "You know when we make a
brisket," they explain, "we always slice off the ends before
roasting. Why is that?"
"I don't know why YOU do it," says the old woman, "but I never had a
pan that was large enough!"
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An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. Often
she worked late, and as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated.
One day a student came to her after class with an essay that had been
returned. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper."
The teacher took the paper and, after studying it, sheepishly
replied, "It says that you should write more legibly!"
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Our Town Is So Small That...
The city limits signs are both on the same post.
The city jail is called The Amoeba; it only has one cell.
The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
The 7-11 is a 9-5.
The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot long hot dog.
The New Years baby was born in October.
Main Street is one block long and dead ends in both directions.
There's no place to go that you shouldn't.
A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.
All the kids are members of 3-H.
There is no need to alphabetize the phone book.
There's nothing doing every minute.
At the last beauty contest, nobody won 1st, 2nd or 3rd
The ZIP code is a fraction.
Second Street is in the next town.
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During our first stay at a dude ranch, my wife told the
wrangler that she was an experienced rider. When
the spirited steed she'd been given started to bolt,
she dropped the reins and hung on for dear life.
As the cowboy caught up to her, he shouted, "Why
are you holding on to the saddle with two hands?"
"Because I have only two hands!" she yelled back.
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So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried
Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why,
he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against
the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman
wistfully recalled that the next week would mark
their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested.
"Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee,
Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the
pig should take the blame for something that
happened fifty years ago."
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"According to a story in the "New York Times," people
travelling by plane this summer are likely to face long
delays, huge lines, rude service, and lots of inconveniences.
So basically, airline travel getting back to normal."
-Jay Leno
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Stay tuned for more of Fred's Funnies!