1) Don't sweat the petty things and
don't pet the sweaty things.
2) One tequila, two tequila, three
tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a nonprophet
organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and
apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is
because he
knows where all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it
would defeat the purpose.
7) Could it be that all those
trick-or-treaters wearing
sheets aren't going as ghosts but as
mattresses?
8) If a mute swears, does his mother
wash his hands
9) If a man is standing in the middle
of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around
to hear him - is he still
10) If someone with multiple
personalities threatens to
kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation?
11) Is there another word for synonym?
12) Isn't it a bit unnerving that
doctors call what they do
13) Where do forest rangers go to
"get away from it all?"
14) What do you do when you see an
endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
15) If a parsley farmer is sued, can
they garnish his wages?
16) Would a fly without wings be called
a walk?
17) Why do they lock gas station
bathrooms? Are they afraid
18) If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
19) Why don't sheep shrink when it
rains?
20) Can vegetarians eat animal
crackers?
21) If the police arrest a mime, do
they tell him he has the right to
22) Why do they put Braille on the
drive-through bank
23) How do blind people know when they
are done
24) How do they get the deer to cross
at that yellow
25) Is it true that cannibals don't eat
clowns because
26) What was the best thing before
sliced bread?
27) I'm not schizophrenic. You only
think we are.
