ASSORTED MUSINGS:

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What do you get when you cross a humming bird with a doorbell? ... A humdinger.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? ... Half way.
The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I'm not.
Don't be redundant by repeating yourself. Twice.
I am becoming increasingly worried and concerned that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog
Seminar Topic:
"Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Phobias But Were Afraid To Ask."
What is a Quark? ... The noise a well bred duck makes.
Will Windows95 live long and phosphor?
What do you get if you cross a parakeet and a parachute? ... Null parity.
Today is the day for decisive action! ... Or is it?
I used to think I was indecisive ... but now I am not sure.
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol
"The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread." - Anatole France.
Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve.
Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Shin: A very sensitive device for finding furniture in the dark.
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproven assumption to a foregone conclusion.
The more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
What first appears to be a sloppy or meaningless use of words may well be a completely correct use of words to express sloppy or meaningless thinking.
Blessed are they who have nothing to say and who cannot be persuaded to say it.
Saying "Gesundheit!" doesn't really help the common cold; but it's every bit as effective as anything the medical profession has prescribed.
An expensive circuit protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A man walks nervously into a field with a bull. He spies a farmer on the other side of the fence and asks, "Is this bull safe?"
The farmer replies, "He's as safe as can be; but I can't say the same for you."
If a parsley farmer is sued, could they garnish his wages?
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
"I'm a walking economy," a man was overheard to say. "My hairline's in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they're putting me in a deep depression."
It's much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.
The most important things in life aren't things.
A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that onlookers were "stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumbfounded."
How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
In this fast-paced, modern world, it only takes a fraction of the time it used to for a luxury to become a necessity.
However, when you find yourself convinced that the world is moving too fast, just find a bank or supermarket line to reassure yourself.
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.